Notice.

I won't be on for the rest of the week, my laptop needs fixing. I'll keep track of my days in a notebook and post it all in one big post when I get it back. I wish you all the best of luck for the week. My thinspiration for this week is Jessica Stam. Enjoy! Love Nei xx

Stay Strong, Think Thin.

Yeah, I actually made a plan (:

I weighed in this morning at 122lbs. I guess I didn't gain so its not too bad. Today I sorta killed two birds with one stone,meaning I took my daily challenge and applied it to the checklist. I managed to get homework finished and it feels quite good :) As for food, I stayed within my calorie intake boundary. Last night I made a sort of calendar and colour coordinated the days as to the amount of calories I'm allowed to consume. I've taken into consideration the day before and after to make my decision. What I mean is for Mondays,I'm allowed 600cals as I usually do a lot of sport. But that means the Sunday before I'm only allowed 100cals, and the Tuesday, I'm allowed 400cals as I do horse riding that day. But come Wednesday, will only consume 200cals. I've uploaded a picture to show you what I mean.

So you can see in the middle, theres 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8, each a different colour. This is my calorie intake, so for example, yellow is 2, therefore I'm allowed 200cals on the yellow days. The boxes in every Monday are records of my weight weekly. I will weigh myself daily, however, I'll record every Monday. The boxes with green like on the 8th, I hope to achieve my goal weights by. And lastly, a tick or a cross signifies whether or not I managed to stick to my daily plan. 

I'll put up a list of punishments and rewards once I get them sorted out, hopefully I'll have it up by the end of the day.

Here are my numbers: 

Food- 2

Water- 1

Exercise- 1

Post- 2

Challenge- 2

Total for today- 8/10 Not too bad ;)

so that means 

Tuesday 2nd November- 1/0/8

The feelings left inside.

Right now, I feel like I don't belong. As I sat there, I realised I'm slowly becoming isolated from my friends. Just sitting there, watching them laugh and talk, completely oblivious to the mental turmoil in my mind. They have nothing bothering them, except maybe who would put money in for the drinks we just bought, and how much would they have to pay this time. 

I felt like I was in a whole other world compared to them. Heres me counting calories, feeling sick at the thought of how many calories are in alcohol, and theres them.. Chug, chug, chug...lets have shots! C'mon! All up to the bar, me left sitting there and none of them realise I don't go. Instead, I got up and walked out. Walked home. Alone.

I came home, up to my room and cut five straight lines into my hip. I love the number five. Theres something beautiful about it. 5. 

10. 15. 20. 25. 30 and so on. Order, rhythmic, I think it's a perfect number.

Press down on those straight cuts when ever I go in for the binge. Remember Nei, these cuts are there for you to control. No Binging, No food, theres no need for it, have a glass of water and busy yourself with your endless list of things to do.

Look at yourself in the mirror. See the reflection staring back. No, no food, not until the image staring back is perfect. Beautiful. Thin.

I can impersonate a bed spring!

Halloween was pretty awesome.

I won't go into detail because I could get into trouble, but lets just say my head was in the clouds ;) Right, I decided to start my Birthday Diet today and I'll write in my scores at the end of each week. I'll keep posting every day though. It went surprisingly well for a first day. I haven't exercised yet, but I plan to do some before dinner. Lets hope I get it done.

 I have kept inside my calorie intake range for the day which is 500cals. I've only had around 340cals. 

I played guitar today

Todays challenge was to do something that made me feel good . . yeah don't get perverted :P I hung out with my best buddy so that was quite fun.

Tomorrow, I'd like to not consume any food. So thats my aim, I really hope I can stick to it. Otherwise, everything's going pretty well. Holidays do that :)

Boys and Girls of every age, won't you like to see something strange?

Halloween is coming up! I won't go out though. I can't face having to find a costume and put it on. I promise to myself now that next Halloween, I'll have a sexy costume and I'll be skinny enough to fit in it. But this year, its just me, comfy pajamas and "scary" movies. I say "scary" cos I think I've watched too many and I sorta know what to expect. I'm planning to watch the two paranormal activities. Hopefully they'll have an impact on me. I've been told they are quite scary. I have my pumpkin planned too. Jack Skellington :) I know hes not scary, hes simply Awesome. No Sweets! I know this defeats the purpose of Halloween.

Fasting today. It's going pretty well. I've had two cups of coffee and I ran for 45 minutes. Burnt a total of 250cals. Not a lot, but it's a start!

The sky is blue, The end is near

My name is Nei and I'm 17, turning 18 in four weeks. I've been bulimic since I was 15 and recently my mia has turned into ana. I don't need intervention, I need a place to vent, I need people who understand me. This is why i created this blog. My very own online journal.

I've had a terrible binge week and I want to cleanse myself and so i think fasting Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Just water, a coffee and a glass of juice allowed each day. I plan to reach my first goal weight by Friday 5 November.