The feelings left inside.

Right now, I feel like I don't belong. As I sat there, I realised I'm slowly becoming isolated from my friends. Just sitting there, watching them laugh and talk, completely oblivious to the mental turmoil in my mind. They have nothing bothering them, except maybe who would put money in for the drinks we just bought, and how much would they have to pay this time. 

I felt like I was in a whole other world compared to them. Heres me counting calories, feeling sick at the thought of how many calories are in alcohol, and theres them.. Chug, chug, chug...lets have shots! C'mon! All up to the bar, me left sitting there and none of them realise I don't go. Instead, I got up and walked out. Walked home. Alone.

I came home, up to my room and cut five straight lines into my hip. I love the number five. Theres something beautiful about it. 5. 

10. 15. 20. 25. 30 and so on. Order, rhythmic, I think it's a perfect number.

Press down on those straight cuts when ever I go in for the binge. Remember Nei, these cuts are there for you to control. No Binging, No food, theres no need for it, have a glass of water and busy yourself with your endless list of things to do.

Look at yourself in the mirror. See the reflection staring back. No, no food, not until the image staring back is perfect. Beautiful. Thin.